All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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