Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
