Apparently you make a good broom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
