So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
