Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
