Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
