Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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