I will die if light touches me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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