gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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