Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
