my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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