Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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