you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
