dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
