I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
