Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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