I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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