In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
