if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
