How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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