Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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