Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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