don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
