She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you win again, gameday.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
