I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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