Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
