Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
