The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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