Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
