Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize