My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what day is it and did you see me today?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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