Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Blood and glitter go together right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize