I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
