I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
