Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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