I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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