I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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