i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
