there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize