Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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