I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
