i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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