nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
