Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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