I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
