Tell her she can't have a vagina
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize