would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
