You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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