I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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