mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
