yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
