I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
