I can tuck mytits in my pants
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
