like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
