Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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