Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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