sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize