you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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