Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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