Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
