dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
