Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
