I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
