It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
