Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
