bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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