I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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