My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize