How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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