We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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