dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
