Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love having hate sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
