Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize
