he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
