remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize