$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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