Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
