So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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