Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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