He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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