I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
